On Being almost 50

Or, WTF?

Published on March 11, 2008 By EmperorofIceCream In Misc

I don't like what has happened to JU. I think I've made that abundantly plain. But I do like the community. Therefore I have nothing further to say concerning my disappointment in JU2. No doubt I'll get over it. One thing only I will suggest - that the number of possible blog categories be reduced to three: thought, life, blogging. Anything else is over-provision.

I am 48 years old. I feel that I am sixteen. Both my chronological age and my existential estimation of my age are facts of my existence. Both my chronoligical age and my apperception of my age are, therefore, true. They are true because they are integral to my understanding of myself - which is the only measure of truth we have.

You do not, you cannot, know the world until you know yourself - because you are the only measure of the world that you have. It did not matter to me when I turned 30. It did not matter to me when I turned 40. But it will matter a great deal to me when I turn 50. I'm not entirely sure why. Not because some arbitrary societal standard tells me that this age should be important to me; not because it marks my final decline from the peak of my sexual prowess; not because it marks, unbelievably, the halfway mark (and maybe more) of my entire existence as a living breathing thing; no, none of those things are telling though all are contributory.

My fiftieth birthday matters because I seriously did not believe that I would ever see it and I'm not so sure that I am happy to say that I will. But I will; I know it, uncontestably. And knowing it as I do I'm forced to review my existence and ask 'What ground is there for my life, and what justification is there for my continued existence?'

I'm happy to say that my continued existence requires no ground or justification, that it is immune to the requirements of any over-arching ideology, and that it it is safe from any belief system that would require the abnegation of any concept of individuality to the State. Why?

Because anyone who can ask why is free.

Every standard is susceptible to doubt. Every truth is susceptible to anger, and to division. Anyone who claims to know ought to be sacrificed - merely to keep certainty at bay. Being almost 50 sucks. But not as much as being 50 will.

Comments

foreverserenity

on Mar 12, 2008

Thought provoking and insightful Simon!

It's strange, (as in funny, as in interesting) that we (humans in general) look at our lives at certain times, seemingly because we come of age. Examining our lives and whete we are and what we've done and how far we will go. We also tend to feel this way stronger the older we get! I find myself doing the same things and I"m quite happy that this is the norm and not a weird thing to do!

My hubby celebrates is 51st this weekend! I can imagine that he's thinking the same things as well, although we haven't spoken about it yet!

Happy Birthday again!

dynamaso

on Mar 13, 2008

I am 48 years old. I feel that I am sixteen.

When my wife came home from work last night, I was standing on the balcony watching her come up the stairs and doing a little jig because I was happy to see her. The first words out of her mouth when she opened the door were "Who needs to be an adult when you can stay being a kid all your life." I took it as a compliment and hope I never lose that feeling.

They are true because they are integral to my understanding of myself - which is the only measure of truth we have.

Well said. I am still working on trying to figure myself out. I don't think I'll ever stop.

Happy birthday...

EmperorofIceCream

on Mar 13, 2008

Anyone who doesn't periodically reflect on his or her life is not a particularly successful human being, in my-not-remotely-humble opinion. As I said, turning first 30 and then forty caused me only minor reflection, and even a faint sense of self-congratulation at having so easily escaped the supposedly unavoidable traumas associated with these chronological milestones.

cactoblasta

on Mar 13, 2008

As I said, turning first 30 and then forty caused me only minor reflection, and even a faint sense of self-congratulation at having so easily escaped the supposedly unavoidable traumas associated with these chronological milestones.

From the stories you've told here, you had all your traumas in your youth.

Good luck reaching the big 5-0.

EmperorofIceCream

on Mar 15, 2008

catoblasta: further thoughts on this theme can be found at the article linked above.

adnauseam

on Mar 15, 2008

Simon, this is a great post. I am almost 61 so my life is now in the hands of the organs of my body. If the lungs develop an antipathy to smoking I could live another year or two. If the liver is tired of the gallons of beer filtered through it, it may close down within 2 to 5 years. Then there is the Pancreas--a fickle organ that gets irritated quickly and sometimes develops cancerous nodes due to diabetes or high alcohol consumption or some other unwanted guest.The pancreas is a unforgiving organ--it grants six months or so.

My heart is pretty healthy but it may revolt at the stress of my job or the fatty pork I eat. Who knows about our destiny? Our genes may take us to eighty or ninety (God forbid!)

Or tomorrow may be the last day. Let's hope it's not.

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