"If it's provable we can kill it."
Or, why most people are miserable and deserve to be so
Published on March 28, 2007 By EmperorofIceCream In Misc
What is happiness? Does anyone deserve to be happy? Can happiness be bought? What's the difference between happiness and misery? Does anyone deserve to be miserable?

No one fully understands the life of another. No one can, merely on the basis of external appearance, judge whether another is truly happy or not. What is happiness? Is it found in external circumstance? For example, are the fabulously wealthy happy? Does the ability to buy whatever you want, whenever you want it, bring you happiness?

Let's consider the life of the latest cause celebre, Anna Nicole. She seduced a man sixty years her senior. She spent a decade fighting his family through the courts for access to the (estimated) 550 million fortune of this jaded, geriatric pervert. A battle she eventually won. Her son, whom she apparently adored, died at age 20, a consequence of the interaction of methadone with a variety of other drugs. What is there in this bare narration of the major features of her life to indicate that she was happy? Or to indicate that she was not happy?

She lived a life of scandal, notoriety; she is reputed to have battled with herself to slim her weight to the point where she would not attract the condemnation of those who equate fat with evil - and to some extent succeeded, though at the time of her death she was nothing less than zoftig, a condition that is on the borderline between the contempt of the weight-Nazis and the adulation of the sycophantic, sexually repressed masses who use the lives of celebrities as a vicarious compensation for their inadequacies and failures.

Her life was, in a peculiarly American sense, a success. She was wealthy. She was famous (mostly for being famous, a condition hitherto unknown in the world, and one associated exclusively with the excesses of American culture). She was, depending on your taste in women, beautiful. Beauty, fame, wealth. The Holy Trinity of American culture. What did she achieve, other than marriage to a fabulously wealthy pervert whom she would not have deigned to look at twice, had it not been for his money?

Nothing. Nothing whatever. In brutally honest terms she was a whore who happened to find a john who, in return for an otherwise impossible sexual gratification, bequeathed her a fabulous fortune. She added nothing to the world but a few hundred pages in the scandal sheets; she took nothing with her to her grave but controversy, and the greed of the vultures who surrounded her corpse as she died. She was, in fact, the perfect heroine of the endless, repulsive, degraded and degrading soap-opera that constitutes American popular culture; which is why her life can, in American terms, be judged an outstanding success. I've no doubt at all that millions of Americans ardently wish to emulate her.

Happiness for most is an emotion. And emotions are nothing if not changeable. Happiness as an emotion is constantly subject to the circumstances in which one finds oneself. It is this changeability that is at the root of the contention of most Christian Pastors that God is the source of the only real happiness in the world. Why? Because God, they say, is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow. God is not changeable, mutable, or contradictory. Happiness, for the Christian Pastor, is not in human love, nor in whatever is presently defined as 'success', nor in wealth, nor in fame, nor in physical beauty - because all these things are subject to change and decay. Happiness is in the certainty of unchanging, immutable, eternal, steadfastness.

To which I say: nonsense. This is to make happiness the subject of the predicate sameness - and to be the same yesterday, today and tomorrow is, essentially, to be dead. Not only is this so, but to be the subject of an unchanging predicate is to make yourself as essentially unchanging, as essentially dead, as the predicate itself. And as we all know, life is about nothing at all if it is not about change.

Take my own life as an example. I have been, at various times and by my own convinced avowal, an atheist, a born-again Christian believer, a heterosexual, a homosexual, a Liberal 'New Man', a Sadist, a postmodern bundle of conflicting tendencies united by nothing more than the will that I should be a whole rather than a conflicting and conflicted bundle of antagonistic tendencies. I have been a faithful believer in something I now regard as unmitigated nonsense; I have been a Thelemite; I have been, to some degree, a Chaote. And not one of the elements in this endless variety of psychological and material positions has brought me lasting happiness.

What is happiness? Happiness is stupidity. Happiness is being unaware. Happiness is taking things at face-value and never doubting that this 'value' is universally true. No one who thinks can be happy. No one who wants, or longs, or yearns, or desires, can be happy. Retards are happy. Morons are happy. The educationally subnormal are happy. Animals are happy. Because they don't have the mental ammunition with which to consider and evaluate their condition.

What guarantees happiness is the condition of being unknowing, because those who know are faced with an endless succession of choices while being deprived of any criterion of certainty in those choices. Except, of course, the criterion of the popular culture of the day. You cannot be happy if you think. Because thinking inevitably challenges the standards by which most live their lives, and to challenge those standards is to step outside the confines of the world which the majority of us think of as normality.

It is, in essence, to be alone. And humanity, it seems to me, is constitutionally allergic to being alone. We seek each other out, we unite into communities, we create codes, and laws, and systems of morality, that are all, in the end, designed to make the majority of us feel at home with each other, and to penalize the minority that, for whatever reason, cannot accomodate themselves to the perversions of reality, which we create in our communities, that substitute for an independent and critical consciousness.

Happiness, such as it is, is in the end nothing more than an uncritical acceptance of the lowest common denominator in relation to social and individual behavior. To my mind, the happiness of the majority is the misery of the individual. And equally, viewed for what it is, the misery of the majority is the happiness of the thinking individual.

Therefore I say that Anna Nicole was happy, and deserved to be happy, because her life conformed to the standards of the unthinking mass of American society that predicates happiness upon beauty, fame and wealth. I say also that her life was unhappy to the degree that she chose to challenge those expectations, and that she suffered misery in the degree to which she was a thinking individual who lived her own life, apart from those expectations. The one aspect of her life cannot be divorced from the other. She was, as we all are, both miserable and happy in the same instant.

Most human beings, I believe, cannot deal with that contradiction, cannot cope with the tension between these two intertwined facets of human life. I was asked, once, if I was happy. I replied "Yes I am. No I'm not." To the degree that answer is incomprehensible to you, you deserve the misery you suffer.

Why?

Because to the degree that you cannot reconcile the inevitable and unavoidable tension of being human you are, in absolute terms, a failure. And as we all know, failure is intolerable. If you cannot tolerate the intolerable you have failed to recognise what it is to be human, to be flawed and imperfect. And to the degree that you fail to recognise your own imperfection, you are bound to be miserable.

What is it to be happy? To recognise that unhappiness is the condition of being human. What is it to be unhappy? To suppose that there is a condition called 'happiness'.

Or, to be rather more succinct: life's a bitch. And then you die.

Comments (Page 1)
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on Mar 28, 2007
Give up now, you unhappy motherfuckers. Or be happy, and don't. Either way, you're equally deluded, and will be forced to listen to my laughing at you.
on Mar 28, 2007

Beauty, fame, wealth. The Holy Trinity of American culture.

When I read this I wanted to slap my head like Homer Simpson and say, "Doh!"

Meaning I found this line, of all the lines, to be so dead accurate, so razor sharp, that I bled a little inside.

On the subject of happiness...in my experience, people seeking happiness usually seem to be the most unhappy.  For example, the man who leaves his family to find happiness, or the woman who does likewise.  The person who jumps from one religion to another seeking the happiness others "seem" to have....

In my heart, I know that chasing after happiness is futile.  So several years ago I stopped chasing the "things" I thought would make me happy and discovered the difference between happiness and pleasure.  Many things can give me pleasure that can not bring happiness...and for years I had the two combined.

I am a Christian for lots of reasons, but one of the main ones is this....God brings me joy (happiness is the by product of it) by allowing me to see the world in ways I never saw it before.  Just when I think I've discovered all the layers, He shows me new ones.  And I've a sense, though I've never seen the bottom of the cup, that it is endless..that in all eternity I will never know/see the bottom, will in fact never get past the brim.

I don't know if Anna was happy.  I don't really care because I think a life lead in the pursuit of an emotion is a wasted life.

I liked her because she embodied, in her way, the American spirit.  She was raised poor, in an ignorant family, and used her only assets to rise up in the world....the holy trinity as you so aptly put it.  She was the underdog, and still made good.

That's it.

 

 

on Mar 28, 2007
I think happiness is fleeting...a few moments, maybe a day if it's a good one. Our lives often revolve around getting that little feeling...much like an addiction. I'm not sure if I'm happy very often...content, yes...but genuinely, spastically happy...I doubt it. That's a very rare feeling.

~Zoo
on Mar 28, 2007
First let me say that this, for me, is the best article I've read from you, ever! Why you might ask? Not because it is about Anna Nicole so much as it is about what is so relevant to our society today! It's so on point and so simplistic in your reasoning - if you get my drift!


Namely I loved these paragraphs:


Therefore I say that Anna Nicole was happy, and deserved to be happy, because her life conformed to the standards of the unthinking mass of American society that predicates happiness upon beauty, fame and wealth. I say also that her life was unhappy to the degree that she chose to challenge those expectations, and that she suffered misery in the degree to which she was a thinking individual who lived her own life, apart from those expectations. The one aspect of her life cannot be divorced from the other. She was, as we all are, both miserable and happy in the same instant.

Most human beings, I believe, cannot deal with that contradiction, cannot cope with the tension between these two intertwined facets of human life. I was asked, once, if I was happy. I replied "Yes I am. No I'm not." To the degree that answer is incomprehensible to you, you deserve the misery you suffer.

Why?

Because to the degree that you cannot reconcile the inevitable and unavoidable tension of being human you are, in absolute terms, a failure. And as we all know, failure is intolerable. If you cannot tolerate the intolerable you have failed to recognise what it is to be human, to be flawed and imperfect. And to the degree that you fail to recognise your own imperfection, you are bound to be miserable.

What is it to be happy? To recognise that unhappiness is the condition of being human. What is it to be unhappy? To suppose that there is a condition called 'happiness'.

Or, to be rather more succinct: life's a bitch. And then you die.



I find this sentence:

If you cannot tolerate the intolerable you have failed to recognise what it is to be human, to be flawed and imperfect. And to the degree that you fail to recognise your own imperfection,


This is such an insightful statment! So many times I read people who do not find it within themselves to tolerate that other people can be flawed and imperfect and they are so uptight with the sound of their own voice staing how important they are and how other people are too stupid to not be perfect....well, it's beyond me to try and understand that! So thank you for writing this!
on Mar 28, 2007
I'm sorry, I did put quotes around the sections I quoted from your article, don't know what happened! And I forgot to add that I enjoyed Anna Nicole for who she was and because despite the flak she got from everyone around her, she lived her life on her own terms! I enjoyed the few movies she did, watching her crazy-self on her show on E! I was sorry to hear she died the way she did and only hope her daughter will somehow end up with the right person who will give her the love she deserves.
on Mar 28, 2007
Addicts in recovery, such as myself, often find we have almost as big a problem once we have stopped using as we did before. As is commonly said around the rooms of AA and NA, take alcohol away from an asshole and you've still got an asshole. In rehab we are taught that recovery will be 10 percent about giving up our "drug of choice" and 90 percent about learning to live life without the use of that drug, that is, about changing ourselves.

To that end the most cited passage of the Big Book of AA is about Acceptance. On Page 417, In the personal story formerly known as "Doctor, Alcoholic, Addict" Paul O. writes:

"And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing, or situation ---some fact of my life ---unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I can accept that person, place, thing, or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment. Nothing, absolutely nothing happens in God's world by mistake. Until I could accept my alcoholism I could not remain sober; unless I can accept life completely on life's terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and my attitudes."

---this lesson may apply equally well to non-alcoholics. The full story is here in PDF: Link

---an excellent topic choice, thanks.
on Mar 28, 2007
To: Tova7

I found this line, of all the lines, to be so dead accurate, so razor sharp, that I bled a little inside.


I have to say that's a wonderful image. Equally, I also have to say that I enjoy your responses. They are always on topic, appropriate, and add some insight of your own to the discussion. For example, I agree with you that it's necessary to distinguish between pleasure and happiness and that most seem to have the two confused - but I hadn't thought to put it in quite that way. I'm not so sure about God, joy, and happiness however.

I don't dispute that this is how you understand your life - and I agree that the cup of the universe can never be drained to the dregs - but I saw far too much joy, far too much near-hysterical enthusiasm, when I was a Pentecostal believer, to ever be convinced myself that such 'joy' can be a basis for happiness. Far too often, this joy was based in the emotional high of being among like-minded believers each helping to whip up a self-indulgent orgy of enthusiasm. And frequently joy of this kind would not outlast the drive home from Church.

Those that seemed happy (and rarely if ever enthusiastic) were those who drew on a faith that was able to overcome circumstance, that didn't depend on the group meetings, on the singing and chanting, on what was in effect a drug that got them high.
on Mar 28, 2007
To: Zoologist03

I agree with you that happiness is fleeting. How could I not, when that's patently true? The happy times come rarely and leave soon and blend into each other so that all one remembers in the end is the glow that seems to fill such times. Unhappy times, on the other hand, are vividly clear to the mind, sometimes unbearably so, and while we endure them they seem endless. I long ago realised that our expectations of happiness are unrealistic, but not until much later did I understand that to expect happiness is an almost certain guarantee of keeping it away. The lust for the result prevents the result from occurring. Instead, I try as often as possible to do the thing that i can look back on without regret. To me, that's a rather more realistic strategy, and it tends to breed peace of mind.
on Mar 28, 2007
To: foreverserenity

First let me say that this, for me, is the best article I've read from you, ever! Why you might ask? Not because it is about Anna Nicole so much as it is about what is so relevant to our society today! It's so on point and so simplistic in your reasoning - if you get my drift!


I do get your drift, and thank you for saying what you have. Sabrina tells me that I need more pithiness in my writing and less bloviation (isn't that a wonderful word?), so I'll take your words as encouragement.

There are many people in JU and the wider world who, as Tova7 says, jump from one thing to another in the belief that if the last thing failed to make them happy then the next thing will succeed. What they fail to understand is something Saint Ethel (my mother-in-law) said to Sabrina when she was young. "Wherever you go [and by extension, whatever you do while you're there] there you are." Which is a very pithy way of saying that all you achieve by changing your circumstances is - a change in your circumstances. As DrDonald points out, what needs to change is not the circumstances you experience but the person experiencing them. That's a particularly hard thing to do when all around you people are buying and consuming things in the belief that, if you possess enough things, you will be happy.

When I was a grad student the supervisor for my Doctorate (which I didn't complete and never will complete) was a very wonderful man, and a remarkable teacher, called Noel O'Sullivan, Professor of politics and philosophy at the University of Hull in the UK. Every year, around Christmas, he threw a party for his graduate students in his home. I went to three of these parties, which extended over hours and during which almost every topic imaginable was discussed. One of them was happiness. Margaret Thather (former Prime Minister and vile, villainous hag), and the wealth she was then busy accumulating from a round of speaking tours and various directorships was discussed. While we all agreed that wealth alone could not make anyone happy I was a little annoyed by the way in which my fellow students dismissed wealth altogether as an object of importance. Their arguments were supercilious and designed to make those arguing look clever. In a moment of quiet, I made the observation that while I couldn't imagine the evil harridan would ever be happy, I could see that her wealth gave her at least one advantage of the poor: it allowed her to be miserable in comfort, while the poor could only be miserable.

Noel was a remarkable a man. A self-confessed alcoholic, he produced endless bottles of wine at these parties - which he never touched himself. Instead he would wander the room with a bottle in either hand, topping up glasses whenever anyone took so much as a mouthful. He did it, he said, because he liked to watch others drink. He called it alcohol's subtlest pleasure.
on Mar 28, 2007
I agree that the cup of the universe can never be drained to the dregs - but I saw far too much joy, far too much near-hysterical enthusiasm, when I was a Pentecostal believer, to ever be convinced myself that such 'joy' can be a basis for happiness. Far too often, this joy was based in the emotional high of being among like-minded believers each helping to whip up a self-indulgent orgy of enthusiasm. And frequently joy of this kind would not outlast the drive home from Church.


Heh, I can imagine. I don't worship that way nor do I worship with others who do.

I don't know if I can articulate what it is exactly I do mean. But I will try.

Life before I earnestly sought God's face was up and down, and much like everyone else's. I was happy, I was unhappy.

Once my walk began and I started communing with God daily, things changed. I liken it to a pair of glasses. God showed me the world through his lens so that something as simple as a tree suddenly looked more alive, greener, more intentional than before. The world sharpened. That gave me joy, and thus the by product is happiness.

What I was attempting to say before was...just when I think there is nothing more to see...He upgrades my glasses so everything is new again. The bottomless cup.

God is the first thing to fill the void for me...that finally makes me feel satisfied, full, and yes, happy, even when things suck.

on Mar 28, 2007

I am content with my life, but I don't know if I have been truly happy since I was a kid.  I was blinded to the real world, and the real pain of life back then.  But, unfortunately, I'm no longer ignorant, and my "bliss" no longer exists.

The idea of "god" gives me no happiness, either, mainly because I can't let it rest.  I can't simply "believe" and close my eyes to what I see.  I keep questioning, not knowing if I'll ever have peace with the concept before I die.

The American Trinity isn't all it's cracked up to be.  Anna Nicole was probably happy, at least in the beginning.  The drugs that brought that happiness led to her end, though.

 

on Mar 28, 2007
He called it alcohol's subtlest pleasure.

A true alcoholic indeed.  
on Mar 28, 2007
I'm happiest when I sit still and quiet long enough to realize "why the hell not?"

Yeah. Exactly. Why the hell not?
on Mar 28, 2007
To: DrDonald

I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and my attitudes.


I could not agree more. Let me tell you a true story - two stories in fact, both of them true. When I was seventeen I made one of several abortive attempts to 'do something' with my life. I lived in a small decaying (even then) town in the north east of England (it's equivalent here would be any small town in the Rust Belt). There wasn't much in the way of opportunity to turn a life around - but there was a Vocational School, which I decided to attend. I've always liked machines, and I decided to attempt a very basic qualification in Industrial Engineering. Like any school, this one had a cafeteria where lunches were served. I was so terrified of being seen, of being looked at in non-formal situations, that I used to lock myself in a stall in the mens room, sit on the pot, and eat sandwiches. In formal situations I felt safe, protected by that very formality. That was 1977. In 1994 I was a college tutor, the equivalent of an Associate Professor, lecturing to sixty students at a time. And sitting at ease in the cafeteria, eating and talking with friends, engaging readily in normal social behaviour like everybody else.

In 1979 I went to what was known as a Rehabilitation Center. It had at one time been a hospital for RAF airmen burned in WWII. Subsequently it became a hotel, and latterly it was purchased by the government and used as a kind of combination vocational school and dumping ground for gimps the social services couldn't do anything else with. It had some of the elements of a hospital, a boarding school and a Munnery. That's a monastery and a nunnery. The sexes were rigidly segregated - though of course any amount of fucking went on.

As I've made plain other articles, I had a troubled start to my sexual life - being both absolutely aware of my homosexual desire and absolutely terrified of revealing it. As I'd grown older I'd also grown increasingly paranoid about seeming in any way abnormal, to the point where in my late teens its was an abiding terror.

Rooms were shared, four to a room - but not all the rooms were fully occupied every night. On two separate occasions I had only one room-mate. The first time, an androgynous, pale, slender young man offered himself to me. And I turned him down. I turned him down because I wanted him, and was terrified of showing it - because I was certain the offer was a trick. I'll never know, of course, but I'm inclined now to think he was being sincere. And I'll always regret not taking the chance and finding out. Always.

During my time there something finally gave way in me. I think it was a final surrender to myself, and the beginning of a refusal to deny myself anymore. Looking back I think it was the first time that I acknowledged that the bars surrounding me were of my own making. And I think it was the first time I got seriously pissed at myself over the misery I was putting myself through because I was afraid of what others thought about me. Self-realisation and anger got me started on the road back.

There are 28 years between then and now. I think if I'd known it was going to take as long as it has to come as far as I have from that terrified wretch I might well have given up. Some results take a very long time to appear, and I can be very lazy. The fact that the change in attitude that I made didn't become clear to me until years later helped, because if I had understood I might very well have been tempted to change back, out of sheer laziness. As it was I was confronted, constantly, by a simple choice: kill myself or struggle on. And suicide is now and was then repugnant to me.

I never wanted to be whole. But I did want to stop being afraid. And I became angry enough to do it. Then, of course, I had to deal with the anger. But that's another story.

And as to my being happy? Yes I am. No I'm not.
on Mar 28, 2007
The fact that the change in attitude that I made didn't become clear to me until years later helped, because if I had understood I might very well have been tempted to change back, out of sheer laziness. As it was I was confronted, constantly, by a simple choice: kill myself or struggle on. And suicide is now and was then repugnant to me.


I understand and I identify. First, I've chosen to live. Then the idea of personal change and accepting the reality of this world "just as it is" is a matter of survival for me, the issue of happiness paling by comparison. Painfully, after much disillusionment, boundaries are established. Ultimately, I become responsible for my feelings and behaviour and not for anyone elses. (or strive to)
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